"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds"

Please note that the following are reflections on healing and are not intended to be taken as legal advice (we are not attorneys) or as a substitute for therapy.

Healing is easier after removal from the noxious environment--the community in which the abuse happened.

Clergy abuse does not take place within a vacuum, rather, it is part of a system. It is often much easier within a system or community to blame one person---the victim. Healing is quicker when one mutes harmful voices and steps out of the communities where deep harm has been experienced.

Align yourself with a community that acknowledges the experience you have been through. It may initially be difficult to locate a community, but healing can come within the safety of just one other person who has earned the right to hear your story. Small support groups can be helpful in providing an environment to tell and retell the story, or to hear another person's story. It may be easier to feel empathy for another person before extending empathy to oneself. In this, hearing other stories and recognizing similar abusive dynamics and tactics may be helpful.

You are not alone. There are many resources available that address the betrayal trauma caused by clergy abuse. Educating yourself and finding out more about clergy abuse dynamics can aid in the healing process. Therapist exploitation resources are also helpful in that this is a similar type of trauma.

Self-care is a critical part of the healing journey and may require daily intentional time.

Clergy abuse may cause complex trauma for a survivor because the abuse is within the context of what should have been (or what may have at one point been viewed as) a healing relationship. Any therapeutic modality should address complex trauma. Survivors report that cognitive behavioral therapy is not an appropriate modality for this kind of complex trauma, while a body-based, somatic approach may bring relief from symptoms. Some therapeutic interventions that may be helpful include:

-Brainspotting

-Somatic movement practices that include shaking

-Somatic experiencing

-Internal Family Systems

-EMDR

-Narrative story work, or properly understanding the story of harm and making sense of the pieces through writing or sharing with a trusted person who has earned the right to hear one's story

-Breathwork

-Using a sauna

A holistic framework with a view of the entire person is helpful for accessing healing. The stress of abuse can release cortisol and stress hormones within the body, causing a chemical disruption or even hormonal imbalances that then need to be addressed. Some practitioners are better equipped than others for understanding the effects of trauma on the body. It may be helpful to find a doctor who is trauma informed.

Survivors report that engaging with an internal church investigation process has been deeply harmful and has hindered healing or caused additional injury, including suicidality. For this reason, it is not recommended to engage with a church attorney seeking to investigate the abuse. Instead, one can consider seeking legal counsel with a trauma informed attorney and have one's own attorney provide information to the church administration. The aim in this is not to be "litigious", but rather to protect one's own mental and spiritual health. If approached alone, an internal church investigation process may involve answering questions without one's own counsel; in other words, "interrogation without counsel". There is no assurance that the church attorney has attended trainings related to abuse dynamics or that he or she understands the trauma of clergy-perpetrated abuse. The questions may be invasive or lead to an increase in symptoms for the survivor, with no guarantee of aid from the church administration in help for healing or relief. In fact, having an offender then continue in ministry can be even more harmful after sharing openly what one has experienced. Being "dropped" within a church investigation is not a rare occurrence for survivors, rather, survivors report having fully disclosed traumatic memories with no follow up or care provided. Some survivors have reported tactics of a church agent appearing to be kind and empathetic, only to find that they were then threatened with legal action while making a report or following up on a report. Some survivors report being approached by priests investigating allegations of abuse who were in fact also attorneys. These priests did not disclose their attorney status. Since survivors have reported giving information and then experiencing stonewalling or not provided with even the courtesy of an investigation update, it is highly recommended not to engage in this dynamic with any church administration. We believe that any organization investigating sexual abuse by a leader should utilize independent third-party investigations, with trauma informed investigators who are truly impartial.

Recognizing the Red Flags

Once a perpetrator gains their victim's trust through coercive tactics, the victim becomes a "complacent" victim, which means the victim is participating but not consenting. Consent can never be given with a clergy because of his position of power and authority over their congregants. For Orthodox Christian faithful, clergy stand-in as a reflection of Christ. This means consent is completely dissolved for the parishioner abused by the clergy.

Offenders use "grooming" as a prelude to sexually assaulting and abusing their victim. Grooming is a method to build trust with a child, teen or adult with the intent to gain alone time and create a "special relationship" founded on manipulation. The cycle of abuse involves escalation, intermittent violence and small rewards to break down the sense of identity of the victim. Grooming can include gift-giving, asking for help with tasks, promises of reward, or the gradual erosion of boundaries.

Examples of grooming/conditioning:

Communicating at later hours or with more frequency
Meeting up- initially this may be to collaborate on a project. Over time, there will be an offer to get lunch or coffee before or after the collaboration. Eventually there is an invite just to coffee or for a meal, which may not raise the red flag that it would have since this may have become part of the working relationship.
Disclosing personal problems or marital problems- these may even be fabricated to some extent to elicit disclosure from the victim about marital problems or unhappiness
Using the parishioner as a confidant- "I've never told anyone this, but..."
Compliments
Telling the victim what the victim's thoughts or intent is or was. This can be highly confusing and vary from extremely subtle to eventually quite bold. For example, "The other day, when you tried to hold my hand..." (The victim did not do this). This grooming tactic may have greater effect later on, when some level of working relationship or pastoral care relationship has been established, and the victim will not simply retort in the negative and distance him or herself.

Examples of negative responses (which are used only after a period of grooming, for greater effect):

Intermittent withdrawal
Punishment- removal of victim from the task or job
Providing negative feedback about the victim after a long period of positive affirmation- this can be disorienting, especially if the victim has come to rely on the person for pastoral or emotional support
Comparison to others with the victim lacking, flawed or inadequate

The punishment/reward cycle functions to instill gratitude in the victim for the abuser talking to them. The coercive control involves (1) isolation of the victim, (2) degradation, and (3) forcing victim to violate their moral code (see the Milgram experiment on obedience to authority).